She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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