Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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