You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
