if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
