I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
