i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
