I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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