You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
