I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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