capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
