We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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