you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
