she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
