He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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