I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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