this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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