just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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