Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
This baby is an asshole
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
