Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
