Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
