Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
