He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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