If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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