i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
