How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
