apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
