So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
