my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
