the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he shaved USA in his pubs
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
