it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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