sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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