I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
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