was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
