i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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