My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
