I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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