watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
