Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
