Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
