i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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