im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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