I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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