I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
