Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We got so high we made milksteak
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
