your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
