so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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