ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
