I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
