Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
