why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
