Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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