So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
