I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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