I heard we made out
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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