loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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