Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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