She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
