are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
