pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I wish you could order shots online.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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