he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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