It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
